NEW YEAR’S REVOLUTION


Marcella the midget queen.

Oops – that quote was supposed to be pasted onto the other document I’m typing right now. Sorry – wrong universe – but I don’t feel like erasing it. Serendipitydoodah.

Often when I haven’t posted in a while, I’ll offer some sort of explanation (read: unnecessary justification) for my extended absence. Here is the one for today – I’ve been too excited.

Life is just so damn great these days that I can’t seem to settle down enough to write a Blog. I can’t even settle down to write it now – I’ve got other files open at the same time so that I can skip back and forth to write in several places at once. Ahh… life… so many words and only two sets of fingers.

Why is life so damn great you ask? Hmm… that’s a tough one. Is it because life is different? Or because I am? Both I suppose, though the ratio between internal and external certainly leans more to one side.

Imagine, if you will, a universe where Sisyphus suddenly realizes that he’s supposed to push the rock DOWN the hill. Is it the case that he was always “supposed” to roll the rock downhill but subconsciously refused to believe that reality could be such a kind mistress? Or, did he finally succeed in pushing the rock all the way up and now it is rolling down the other side?

Life is ambiguous and full of metaphors:

Was it one big step? Or a mountain which angles up so gradually that one doesn’t notice climbing until the summit?

Imagine applying a great amount of pressure to a very heavy cart for a duration of time… oh, say, five and a half years… and suddenly, one day, it moves. Quickly.

The pressure has been constant, and though the cart would slowly, slowly inch forward sometimes, it seemed that at that rate the journey would take forever. Then, suddenly, all of the lead bricks disappeared in a puff of dramatic smoke and POOF! the cart suddenly weighs nothing. Now, with the same amount of effort, the cart rolls forward at 120 miles per hour, rather than the previous rate of six inches per month. So though five and a half years isn’t exactly “instant,” the sudden lurch forward has the feel of a spontaneous event.

Let’s see if I can pull some concrete images out of this quagmire of abstractions….

My partner started a new job at the beginning of the year which has led to a totally different schedule in our family. Just the change in hours, sleep times and how much he’s at home makes life feel different even though it is actually only an incremental change.

He was already teaching at a local college last year (actually two of them) but now he’s teaching as his primary job, i.e. what he does with most of his daytime work hours. This has meant that he has to be up and at work in the mornings, which has not necessarily been the case prior to this.

It also means that the time in the evenings when we used to both work on the at-home part of our previous / other day job is now taken up by him doing lesson plans, designing tests, etc.. We still do the other work, it’s just now instead of being split 60/40 between us, it is more like 90/10, which is totally fine with me. I’m “busier” in a sense, but I still get to hang out with him at home in my pajamas while I’m working, which has always been my favorite aspect of this job anyway.

Also, I started MOVING at the beginning of the year, both metaphorically and physically. For more than two and a half years, I’ve been either pregnant, nursing a newborn baby or both. This does not leave much time, space or energy for conscious physical movement, and my body is starting to feel it. But now I move all the time and it feels FABULOUS.

I started taking walks every day (now that the baby is old enough to not need to eat every fifteen minutes) and, since I don’t have a lot of “extra” time, I also added upper body movements, meditation, posture correction, weight bearing exercise, neurological reprogramming and core strengthening at the same time. Seven different kinds of fitness, twenty minutes, every day. Don’t have time to do them all? Do them all at once.

Then, when I’m not walking, I continue doing any and all of these things among and within my other activities. And, if the heavens part and I actually have a moment or two when I don’t need to be actively parenting, I do what I call Chaos Aerobics.

Any time, any where for any amount of time, I just MOVE. Arms up, arms down, march in place, jump up and down, bend over and touch my toes, flail randomly, slide rib cage back and forth, jump like a frog, stretch to one side, throw my arms in the air and wiggle them wildly… etc., etc..

It gets my body moving AND I’m very entertaining to the kids, which is nice.

Why do we stand so still all the time? I mean, when humans stand around talking to each other, generally they just STAND AROUND. Why? Are we so far up the food chain that we feel safe just standing there being stationary? Why not walk around, gesticulate wildly, lean this way and that while talking?

So, anyone who is around me these days is just having to adjust to the fact that I am often in motion when I can be. Interestingly enough, many people just sort of “fall into” moving around, too. Move more – it feels great.

Oh – I’ve also been doing yoga a lot more, especially with my Toddler. She loves to do yoga with me, and has a great time imitating the poses or making up her own. However, she has no use for holding a position for an extended length of time. Every five seconds I hear, “Different yoga!” which means she is ready to move into another position.

It’s like speed yoga – one posture every three seconds. On one hand the stretch may not be as deep, but on the other it is definitely more aerobic.

Sometimes we pretend that the Baby is a yoga instructor and try to do everything she is doing. It is amazingly HARD!!!! Babies are trying to build their core strength so that they can sit up, crawl, walk, etc.. Because of that, all of their rolling and flailing about is designed to make them stronger.

I’ve also been doing a lot of Tai Chi again (especially the “fast form”) and have added my own modifications which has made it A LOT more interesting and fun for me. Again, the Toddler loves to join in when she isn’t busy with other things.

Dance, too, is something I love to do which is great fun with a toddler. Mostly we spin around and fall over a lot, though there is also a great deal of flailing which is always good for upper body mobility.


What else…

Oh yes – jazz.

For Christmas my partner and I gave each other jazz. I gave him an instrument and the technique books for jazz improvisation; he gave me a season pass to live jazz every Friday night.

So, every Friday evening we pack up the family (yes, we take the kids) and go downtown to one of the lovely hotels and hear really, really fantastic jazz. (It was voted the “Best Jazz Scene” in Cincinnati recently.) It is in a HUGE open space, which makes it nice for a lot of reasons.

For one, though there is smoking, there isn’t SMOKE like there is in a lot of jazz clubs. It also makes it possible for us to sit in a place where we can still see but where the music isn’t too loud. There are tables, chairs and a couple of couches scattered all around, so we usually camp out on a couch, spread out a blanket for the baby and have a great time. And the Toddler LOVES to dance.

At first I was a little hesitant to bring the kids, but they have an absolute blast. Also, everyone has been so encouraging about them being there and thinks it’s adorable that the Toddler dances so much and has such a great time. Yes, we’re all out until midnight, but we’re on jazz time, right?

We are really into the idea of taking our kids with us most of the places we go and not segregating them into some separate world where they can never see what adults do. As far as we’re concerned, jazz on Friday nights is just another part of our Enrichment Program.

Now, at home, sometimes the Toddler will specifically ask for “jazz music” so that she can dance around. She also enjoys putting on interesting hats and sunglasses, then telling us that she is “one cool little kitty cat.” Now we just need to find a beret in her size.

And, finally, I am WRITING again. Not that I ever really stopped, but I had slowed down from my usual pace once I became a mom. Though to be fair to myself, I have written two book-length pieces since I had the kids, but I had not had the time / space to really make writing a regular part of my life.

Now, I’m doing it. After knowing for YEARS that writing was truly my vocation, what I had to be when I grew up because there wasn’t anything else I loved that much, now I’m finally making it an actual career.

It’s funny – if there is one thing parenting has taught me, it’s time management. I used to have a lot more free time before I was a parent, but I could spend a great deal of that time essentially doing nothing, or doing something but having nothing to show for it afterward. Now when I have space, ANY space, I DO SOMETHING with it. No more procrastinating, no more himming and hawing, no more staring off into space not writing something.

My head is on fire… in a good way.

I’m also finally utilizing, and enjoying, having two different residents. For months after the Baby was born, I more or less stayed out at the farm where there was 1) no steps between me and the bathroom and 2) an extra adult to help juggle both kids. For six months I maybe visited my other home, oh, four or five times.

Now I’m actually going back and forth and am really, really digging it. I always had the idea that two homes was the way to go for me, and I’m finding that doing things like this feels very right and comfortable. There are positive things about either place, so it is nice to be able to enjoy the benefits of both.

I have a tremendous amount of energy now and that is showing in all areas of my life. Hell – just this weekend I summoned Kali and cleaned out every nook and cranny of my kitchen, and had a great time doing it.

That’s just it – I’m having so much fun doing EVERYTHING in my life; even things like cleaning out cabinets or scraping old nasty food off the top of the microwave are joy-worthy events.

I have learned SO MUCH from being a parent – I had no idea that parenting was the way to get in the fast lane of my lifepath rather than a divergent turn off of it. As I watch my kids, I realize that we all come into this world full of joy and energy, but that over the years it can be conditioned and suffered right out of us.

As a parent, I feel it is my Sacred Duty to give my kids the space to be themselves and to express their intrinsic natures. And, as a parent, it is also my Sacred Duty to model for them that life can be fun and full of joy, even when you’re a grown-up. As a person, it is my Sacred Duty to provide that space for myself as well.

It’s been a long, difficult, consciously undertaken journey through very thick mud but I can say at the end of it, now that I’ve been hosed off and my cart is flying along smoothly, it was definitely worth every and any effort it did or would have taken to get here. I feel grounded on the one hand, and like I have rockets strapped to my feet on the other. And, as great as life is here at the end of one leg of the journey, the view ahead is even better.

It’s a good day to be me; it’s a good day to be alive. And, apparently, it was a good day to write a Blog.